Oh,man, did I waste so much time...

It really doesn't matter who, just someone who cared.

• 10:03 @sanasaurus There always seems to be those projects that seem cursed. #
• 10:36 @sanasaurus I'm working on a vehicle wrap for a Hummer, so far while working on it, I've lost 2 computers and a $1500 repair for our printer #
• 19:42 ftw RT @saramayhew: I'd like to celebrate Carl Sagan's birthday by baking an apple pie from scratch and drinking Cosmos! #carlsagan #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

• 13:31 MapMyRide.com | View IMapMyRide: Nov 8, 2009 12:05 PM in Charlotte, North Carolina - shar.es/ak2Tv #fb #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

It's monday and I'm back in prison at work. Thursday and Friday we had our appointments at the Fenway, which are generally tiring (2 hours of driving and 45 minutes on the T), but this time really took it out of both of us.

I've also felt a little "off." It's definitely not the flu, but probably just some kind of minor cold or perhaps even just a lot of allergens. But it kind of left me feeling not quite all there, which was a shame. Gauge from Portland has been visiting and I feel like I didn't get a chance to do much. Janna did most of the entertaining and they went out to Bone Hill, the audubon sanctuary based on farmland. I felt bad for not going, but I was just completely fatigued.

I have been reading some of the new Heroquest stuff for the Glorantha/Sartar book. I used to be a huge huge fan of Glorantha and ran a long campaign in high school featuring Orlanthi terrorists freedom fighters in Prax. Wish I could find a group, Heroquest looks interesting. Narrative storytelling, not the combat simulation that other games seem to be heading more and more into. Thinking about Prax reminded me of the Morokanth, the herders of men, and led to me spending some time playing my cow in WoW. Yes, an odd way to end up there, but we'll see.

I'm generally looking at different guilds and I always have preferred the horde, but wow is it ever dead hordeside compared to the alliance. I found another guild that's raiding in my time window that seems ok. Not sure yet. I wish things were different than they are because the people from my old wow guild who are raiding are great, but the rest of the guild just feels wrong and actually I find it a bit creepy.

It's been a long time since I had written into my LJ journal, not cause of beingbusy on Facebook *yes it's addictive when playing games* but also I have now been involved in an online game called "evony" and meeting up with a few people from the Asia-Pacific area. :P

Anyway, with SES callouts and training being the main focal point of activity as well as my Uni studies which came to a close as of the start of November as now I am in the exam time period. So if I do well this time I wil lbe attending the Cert 2 in Japanese for 2010, with that I am hoping to travel to Japan in 2011. Most likely in Mid November to mid December (about 3 weeks to 1 month stay) to get to see alot of things as well to meet the Japanese people and the culture. Cause I am hopeful to return there a few years later on!

Meanwhile, my health has bene playing up a bit but not as much as before hand. I have to see a few doctors in regards to my intention of progression. Wtching a TV documentary from the Channel 7 network (Sunday Night - program) there was a 16yr old German girl who has the surgery and she was able to be on medications when she was 11yrs old.

The good thing about this is that she has proved something that certain doctors and some other people still like to play GOD and say No cause you don't know what you are doing. But gee, this girl has shown alot of strenght and is now able to help out others not just in her country of Germany but has helped out a girl in Melbourne Australia.

If I ever meet this girl "Kim" I think the whole Trans-community would like to say to her that she is one of so many trans-folk that are very special and have special abilities to help out other Trans-youth. In fact she is inspiring no matter your age if your trans cause we all know the things that do take place. To the [insert whatever jerk name you want] and get their heads out of the certain religious state of mind and trying to place "the fear of GOD" and sit down and listen to human compassion then they would see that they are the ones who cause the high rate of suicide. Not saying that they are the main cause but they are a factor to it.

In no set order, these are the areas that is well nown for Trans-suicides:
- Abuse (any and sometime mulitple abuse)
- Fear (Family rejection, Work, Low self-esteem, etc..)
- Bullying (from all various form)
- Drugs (sometime people with depression over do themselves on drugs to get a way from the pain and not realising how many they have had)
- Rejection 1 (from Family and close friends)
- Rejection 2 (from Work and from social peers)
- Assult
- Depression
and there is many more.

Some times that there is mulitple factors that work hand in hand that causes the big slide affect when someone goes into depression. So want can we do you might say? Well support them in saying that "I don't know exactly what you are going through, but I want to help you step by step and if you do let me into your life. I can help you even more" there is still alot we need to know about depression and how affects the human mind, as we have seen depression works in strange ways and the different effects it can cause.

So there is many things that is happening and for those who wants to know what is really happening, I'm sorry I have just been busy with other events, MANIFEST, SES, AJMRG, Wadaiko Rindo and with Uni. Oh I also had a double stint of house sitting for more than three weeks!

So I should be back later on before December!

SJ :)

My sister came over again for the weekend with my little niece and again,she is growing like corn in Indiana. She still doesn't talk,just "Mama" and "Dada" and my sister is getting worried. I don't know if a 15 month old kiddie should be speaking much but she seems to be a curious kid and quite large and strong child. I think my sister needs to practice more language skills with her.

My favorite teams lost this week(ASU and the Bears) and they both look like the seasons are going nowhere fast:(

There are lots of people going around living their lives according to strict dogmatic rules from whatever tradition or religion, thinking that this will lead them on the correct path.

I have to say that I do not believe in adhering to dogma leading you onto the correct path, because all the dogma on Earth, even if received from a very inspired source, are likely to have been corrupted in one way or another, and by following them strictly you would still make mistakes.

In this world, you can only do your best - and this is not by following dogmatic beliefs strictly.

• 15:45 Off to my niece's 1st b-day party. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

FOR THE HORDE!!!

Lourdes and i invested in catcher's mitts and baseballs and have been playing catch at the beach and the park. we're pretty good!

now i am off to have an Armenian dinner at a coworker's house, sans Lourdes because she is shy.

So i know this community isn't that active, and that generally it contains political rather than personal discussion, but as i was looking for an appropriate audience for my current question i found this in the comm. info:
"How to maintain a feminist identity and community ties while transitioning from one gender to another".

This is something i struggle with a lot. I greatly enjoy the freedom i have to organize/network with women, genderqueer/variant etc on issues of gender oppression. I have a deapseated fear that by transitioning beyond my current "genderqueer" status to "transmasculine" i'll begin to co-opt male-privilege and lose my stake in feminist circles. This is obviously, a personal emotional thing, and not a rational political argument. I was wondering if any transmasculine folx or allies have anything to say about this personally, and if they ID has feminist- how that played out in their transition.

This is a big component of my questioning/confusion, and I'd greatly appreciate it.
Shay

• 18:17 Oddly bitter, but i think i'm just super tired and am within my legal rights. #
• 18:21 Mis-texted that last one to Morgan. Face took on share of hammer. #toolface #
• 09:54 Received a #postcrossing postcard from Russia - bit.ly/2n1MGx #
• 09:58 Received a #postcrossing postcard from Spain - bit.ly/4kG7Br #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

We are all attracted to more than one person throughout our lives. Whilst some people, after they have found their partner for life, stop being attracted to other people romantically, others still have outside attractions. Science tells us there is nothing abnormal about this phenomenon. However, sometimes it leads to unfaithfulness and, ultimately, breakdown of family. Which is good for nobody. Some people who know that they are like this have opted for the 'open-marriage', but then I have not seen it work very often either.

I doubt that people who remain attracted to others even after finding their lifetime partner can change much of that voluntarily, from the anecdotes I have heard. However, they can use their attraction in other ways that will prevent family breakdown. Here is what I think might work for them: they can try to find a partner who is also like them (in that they both know that they would continue to have outside attractions). They should see the partnership as the ultimate, unbreakable unit that defines their relationships in their lives. Then they can get lovingly (but not sexually) involved with other similar couples (not singles who have a potential to create a triangle) on a couple basis. That way, the couple unit remains of paramount importance, lifelong monogamy is maintained, and threats of a triangle forming and separation happening because of that are resisted. This may even be a good way to bring two families together for life!

The fundamentalists often say that what they say are the absolute and eternal truth, and any deviation from their beliefs would result in eternal hell.

Are you afraid that you might end up in eternal hell because you are not a fundamentalist yourself, upon hearing this? I bet some of you are - to a certain extent. A minority of people will soak up this fear and therefore convert to fundamentalism.

But is there any logic in this, anyway? Anyone can say anything, but it doesn't make it true. Anyone can say that they have the absolute and eternal truth, and everyone who believes differently will go to eternal hell. That doesn't make it any truer than the next person who says this.

Further proof that fundamentalism is not logical at all - there are so many kinds of fundamentalisms, each saying that you will go to hell if you don't believe in them, that if fundamentalism is true there is a high chance that we will all end up in hell, as the chance you will choose the real, right brand of fundamentalism is minimal, and belief otherwise is delusive.

The truth is that, I bet you will not be able to find the one true path to eternal life that is perfect on this earth in this day and age - we are hundreds of years from all the time when any of the major enlightened beings that people believe in were on this Earth, that all received wisdom has to have become corrupted to some extent anyway. Thus we can only try our best to give our hearts and souls to the great diety or dieties (depending on your cultural background, I don't believe that matters actually) out there, and strive to live the best life that we understand from what we know. We will definitely make errors on that however, some big and some small, and there is no way to prevent that. Fundamentalism's promise that you will make no error in your path towards eternal life if you believe them is just impossible.

The freedom to believe how you believe, preach what you believe and live according to what you believe in is of utmost important, and must be preserved at all costs.

As I have said before, this is not just to prevent racism and discrimination in our society - though it does serve to do that. It is because the sacred goal of all humanity, finding out the eternal truth that is out there, depends on it. This is how I view the present world: There are already more paths than one that will lead to the truth, and taking any one of them can lead you to enlightenment or eternal life, whatever you may call it. However, many of these paths have also been distorted by human beings who either did not understand the teachings of the enlightened ones, or had more sinister motives behind them.

For most of our history, humans were ruled by a small elite, with a lot of power. We know that, at various times, people with extreme hubris or evil motives have occupied these positions. And we know that they have tried, often successfully, to change the way the world believe things. Thus although we (the human race as a whole) do not have a consensus precisely on how to get to enlightenment or eternal life (thus the arguments between religions and denominations), we can agree that a lot, if not most, of the things people believe in this world have been tainted one way or another.

Now that age of oppressiveness is passing behind us, and therefore we are starting to put the pieces back together. For example, racism and homophobia should never have been in any part of the path(s) to get to enlightenment or eternal life, and most of us in advanced nations now realise this. The religions and denominations are also coming together and teaching each other things, rather than creating borders and attacking each other, creating hate on both sides, an emotion that will quite surely damn us to eternal suffering if we don't get rid of us. A war in name of religion is a true oxymoron, because wars will never lead anybody to enlightenment or eternal life - and one day, hopefully soon, we will all realise it.

However, this coming of age of the human race comes with a price - change in traditionally held beliefs in both social and religious spheres, and change in the traditional social order. Which is good because it is all in the name of clearing some past confusion and hopefully leading us closer to finding the best path(s) to get to enlightenment and eternal life. Except for conservatives, who will attempt to prevent change in any way. Thus the creation of the 'fundamentalisms' of the world, teachings that the holy books (of whichever religion) must be interpreted in a certain way to only allow life to be lived in the way it traditionally has been, and that followers of other religions, rather than fellow travellers that come from another cultural tradition waiting to be untied together, are enemies to be combated. For in these teachings the traditional world order will be maintained, even if at the expense of truth itself. Most conservatives probably care more about maintaining the traditional world order then truth itself, truth to be told.

Therefore, we need to fight against the very idea of conservatism itself, for the sake of the eternal truth itself.

(Forget about gay rights and anti-racism for the moment: these are important things for me. But there is a stronger reason why I will not be a conservative, regardless of my beliefs on these matters. This is the REAL reason I will NEVER be a conservative or support a conservative movement.)

Lately it's a painful process to think of myself impartially. To not judge and allow a pure moment without editing it or personal obstruction. I think I'll try.


I find dichotomy interesting. For example I feel the most beautiful when:

- in the arms of a lover. just after intimacy. we're naked and laughing. i feel open and free.

- i'm fresh-faced, hair pulled back in a ponytail and in workout gear especially something that bares my strong shoulders and arms. i feel fierce and my gaze is direct, piercing. i am an amazon. my body sleek. my mind and breath are steady, focused. my warrior breasts are not yours. not to be gazed at. the nipples are sharp and will cut out the tongue of an admirer.





Tonight I watched "Eros" and found little eroticism but much beauty from Wong Kar Wai's segment entitled "The Hand". Some of you know I find WKW's work riveting, especially the movie In The Mood For Love. The man understands women but more than anything, love and particularly if it involves tragedy and unrequited affection. Plus his use of music to direct and move a scene is sheer brilliance. The song below is a gem and Caetano Veloso, another artist I need to become familiar with.


"Vision of silence
empty angle
wordless page
a letter written on a face
of stone and vapour
love
useless window."

rainy seattle day but i think lourdes and i are going to the beach after buying some gloves and a baseball.

i had an interview with an environmental engineering firm in CA day before yesterday, it went really well I think. we'll see where this one goes. still nothing from stanford university. they move slower than moss on a tree. or mold on the ceiling of a seattle bathroom.

my nose is still a bit tender and sore in spots. I had the nasal stents removed thursday and after all the crap came out i was amazed at my two new oxygen super highways. I can't believe i have lived with a nose with such effed up internals my whole life. oh geesh i should mention, as of yesterday, i now have a diagnosis of fibromyalgia. i am still processing what this means and am not yet thinking about it much. but what does giving a name to chronic pain and tiredness really do for it. not much.

i should call my mom. what is wrong with me with this? since i have been out of LJ for like, forever, i should update by saying my stepdad had a major stroke, can't do anything, my brother had a kid but is now estranged from the mom and living with my mom helping her out, and I never call. how does one connect mid-life to a family one never felt connected to in the first place? I am like an alien to them.

another thing about ignoring LJ so long, I just read that someone i used to find so cool died of breast cancer. goodbye query. hope you are happy and at peace wherever you are.

I haven't posted in more than a year but I heard about this animated short being shown as a part of a pro-LGBT curriculum in California schools. It shows a boy sneaking into his sleeping mother's room and stealing her bikini and purse. Then he goes out to the beach during the next day and puts on the bikini, much to the swooning of twin guys. Apparently, then his mother comes and finds him. She takes her bikini back and makes him wash the makeup off. I do not know how it ends.

( Read more... )